More Than I Can Handle?

                                 

You know that phrase "God Doesn't Give You More Than You Can Handle"?

I think its crap.

I do. I think that if that were true He would have to believe that I am super woman. And, I don't think He believes that. As a matter of fact, I KNOW He doesn't think that! 

These past two weeks were - oh, lets just say they were "challenging"? But, I have come out the other side and am ready to look back and debrief. I have to. Because I know that I will have other challenging days, weeks and months and I will have to make it through those as well. 

About 2 weeks ago, my husband left on a short deployment. No big deal - it was only a couple weeks, something we are becoming very accustomed to. I was a little apprehensive, which struck me as strange, but I attributed it to the fact that I am pregnant and have 3 littles to keep alive - on my own. So, off he went. 

That same day I received a phone call. My father-in-law was not well. Not well as in - needed me to pack up the kids at 5pm and drive an hour and a half away to check on him.  Okay, I got this. Was able to leave the littles with a good friend, which was a blessing as an ambulance was needed and off to the hospital we went. 

For that entire week I spent hundreds on gas as I drove back and forth between home and my father in law's hospital. Thank God he pulled through and that I was able to be there for him. By Friday he was off to rehab to regain strength and recover fully. 

Okay, a little stressful but - hey - emergencies happen, right? Things were totally going to get back to normal now!

So, Friday morning I sat sipping my coffee while the littles pretended to sleep (I threaten majorly anyone who comes out before 7am!) and put together my waaaaay overdue grocery list. 

Once everyone was up my son mentioned that the baby felt warm.

 Ha. Yeah, okay dude. 

Totally disregarded that one. As in, completely forgot to check her.

 A couple hours later - the baby felt warm. 102 read the thermometer. Awesome. 

Okay, no big deal - probably a little fever virus. It will pass. 

So, 24 hours later, Saturday night - I packed up all three littles again and headed back to the Emergency Room. This time for a toddler who's temp wouldn't go lower than 104 and was now wheezing and barking. AWWWWESOME. 

As crazy ER doctor muses that a spinal tap and septic blood work up may be in order (reeeeally dude? Give us a steroid shot and meds for the fever and send us on our way!) I gave in to a momentary lapse in control. My stomach began to churn. 

** warning** the next few lines are gross, but reality is gross sometimes. And here at Blessings, Grace and Wine, I keep it real. And,  I am sure that - pregnant or not - everyone has been here!

I sat on that hospital bed with a feverish, sick baby and two bored littles and my stomach began to hurt. I began to gurgle and sweat before I realized I needed a bathroom. ASAP. Really? A stress & pregnancy induced IBS attack HERE?! In this gross, crowded, people-lying-on-stretchers in the hallway emergency room? I stood up to find a bathroom quick when my little sick monkey screamed in protest. 

So, off I went to the bathroom down the hall, with the baby holding tight.

After I was done, baby still wrapped tightly around my neck, I apologized, deeply, to those lying outside the bathroom door. And again when I returned. And then again a third time. 

At this point, after I refused the spinal tap and blood work and the steroid shot and fever meds had begun their miraculous work, I informed the nurses that we needed to leave. NOW. It had been 5 hours. Baby was better. But to be honest. I didn't care. I was done. I was ready to go home. 

It took a few days for the cranky, sick baby to return to just the cranky baby and hubby surprised us by coming home a couple days early. Father in law is leaving rehab and returning home tomorrow and things are slowly returning to normal. 

Or course they are. Daddy is home now. 

My nightmare is over. For now. He leaves again in a week. lol

But, guess what, moms??!  We ALL go through these nightmares! We ALL have circumstances that we go through and our friends shake their heads and say - man, I don't know how you do it. But, guess what? We do it. We do it because its just what we have to do. 

Its not like I woke and up thought, hm - feeling pretty super human this week, so, life - bring it on. 

Ha.

Nope. 

But, life brought it anyway. And, I dealt with it. Not because I'm awesome. Because I'm mom. 

Because my littles needed me to. Because my father in law needed me to. Because it was what I had to do. 

This week is bringing its own challenges - and I will face those head on too. 

With faith - I couldn't do this alone. With stubborn pride. And, with GRACE. 

Because God DOES give us more than we can handle, the difference is - He doesn't expect us to do it alone. 

He is right there by our side, and gives us angels to help us along the way. 

I am grateful for my angels these past few weeks, and for the Grace that enveloped me when I thought I had reached the end of my ability to deal. 

And, of course, for the lesson in humility as I sat with sick baby on my lap, letting go, in that emergency room bathroom. 

Hang in there moms. You absolutely can handle this, you can get through it, and you will come out the other side stronger and far more confident. Just remember, Grace and Angels. Grace and Angels. 

 

Say "NO" to Blogs!

 

                                                              

I know, I know ~ the irony, huh? 

But, seriously. No more blogs, moms. No more parenting websites or Pinterest. No more Facebook groups. We need to unite as moms and just start saying no! 

The problem? 

Well, I don't know about you but here is the majority of what I see:

100 Things Your Daughter Should Learn Before She Goes to College

100 Things to Teach Your Son Before He Becomes A Man

9,000 Ways to Teach Your Child Character

Why You Should Never Leave the House

Home Cooked Meals and How You Too Can Provide One Every Night

How to Make Your Crazy Toddler Normal Again

Teach Your Children to ...............Do Anything and Look Gorgeous Doing It. 

Okay, okay - you see where I am going with all this? Now, don't get me wrong. There is a lot of information out there that is so incredibly helpful. But, more often than not, it is simply overwhelming and brings you down instead of encouraging you. 

I mean, 100 Things Your Daughter Should Know Before She Goes to College? Come on moms! We do not need to read stuff like that! Instead of wasting our time stressing over whether we will remember to teach our (currently 5 year old) daughter to change a tire is ridiculous. And, of course we are going to teach our sons to respect women, to be patient and courageous. To be men of integrity. 

We have our own character and integrity, and we need to start trusting it. Instead we browse all these wonderful parenting blogs, helpful websites and overzealous Facebook groups. And, don't even get me started on Pinterest! We need to stop. 

Now, I am not saying that when we run into a specific problem that we shouldn't seek help, of course we should. But, lets first look to books, other normal, down to earth friends and maybe - oooh - just maybe moms who have made it through to the other side! Now there is a wealth of information and encouragement! 

See, we all struggle with making sure we are remembering to teach all the right things ((um, homeschool mom here - you can't get more "struggle" than that!)) but we waste our time on sources that only make us wish we were doing more. On places that make us think that most moms have it together. That most moms actually cook a real, home cooked meal 6 or 7 times a week. 

** disclaimer** IF YOU ACTUALLY DO THAT, DO NOT TELL OTHER MOMS. CUZ, WE DON'T*****

We waste our time browsing sites that will help us "get organized" but instead make us look around our disaster zones wondering where we went wrong. Oh Pinterest - I love you and hate you. I love the fact that you have shown me perfection is, by some weird soul, somewhere on earth - achievable and yet I and hate you for the same. 

Guess what moms? 

Your toddler will totally be normal again - when they turn 25 and have their own baby. 

Your house will be clean and beautiful again - and you will want to run from the quiet that engulfs you. 

Your children will learn character - by watching YOU. 

Your sons and daughters will learn everything they need to know by the time they leave, and if they don't?? They will call home to ask. 

And, finally - peanut butter and jelly is totally fine for dinner at least twice a week, as long as there is love and conversation around the table. 

Come on moms, jump off this crazy "Read my Blog" roller coaster (um, clearly there are exceptions......) and come back to the reality of your own, individual family. We need to stop focusing on if we are doing it right and just start trusting ourselves and enjoying the few, precious years we have with our little ones. 

So, join with me and say no to all these wonderful websites, blogs and articles that are not encouraging! 

Instead, call a dear friend, read an age old, trusted BOOK, or just talk with someone who has survived this whole parenting thing! 

 

Good luck today moms, and remember - we are all in the same boat, struggling with the same things! 

But, these years are short and your littles will make it through just fine, whether you are a perfect mom today or not! 

Say Cheese!

                              
I admit it. I am a trigger happy, photo-takin' momma. My kids are constantly having their picture taken. They learned at an early age to "freeze and cheeze"or ELSE! "Smile like you mean it" - yeah, they hear that often. I have baby books (well, at least for the older two) stuffed full of pictures, and a thoroughly documented journey of childhood. Some day these kiddos are going to be able to look back and maybe even remember some really fun childhood moments. Even now my middle little loves to bring out her baby book and see what she looked like when "she was little" lol.
                    But, the other day my daughter pointed out something that broke my heart. "Mommy, there aren't any of you and me!"
What? Of course there is one in there, there must be. 
And, there were - a bunch when she was born. See, I AM in pictures. But, after that. . . . once we were home from the hospital - she was right, pictures of mommy were few and far between. I mean of course there was an occasional picture of me in the background of a birthday party or at Christmas. But, there were not many where I was intentionally posing and smiling with my family.  
                    This, if you think about it - makes sense! I am often the one who is snapping the picture, or I am the one who was able to get everyone else dressed and pretty but somehow I missed the memo. There just wasn't enough time for momma to run a brush through her hair! Or.......I haven't lost the baby weight, or I have a headache and it shows or - lets be honest - I just don't want my picture taken. You feel my pain, right?
                     

              But what about when this is all said and done - will I regret not being in more pictures? When I visit my parents one of my favorite things to do is look through old pictures of my mom and us kids. . . .there are pictures on almost every wall. But, not many of my mom. You see, she was in the background, carrying the bags, wiping noses, fixing hair so our pictures would be perfect. But, those few - the ones where she is holding me, or a candid photo of my mom with all of us kids - those pictures are my absolute favorites. I wish there were more. I want to see her as my mom. I want to see how she held me, I want to see her interactions with my brothers and me. I wish there were more pictures of my mom.

               Too often as moms we dodge pictures because we don't have make up on, or our hair is a mess, or ugh those grays! Not to be Debbie Downer here but guess what? By the time our kids are able to notice these little gray hairs or those few extra pounds -  we are gonna look a LOT worse! Not having make up on will be the LEAST of our worries! We are going to be very different looking from how we are now - we are really going to look old then! So, give up moms. Give up on looking good for pictures. Stop dodging that camera and start allowing (and even ASKING) trigger happy photographers to snap those precious moments of you with your babies. Or of you with your husband. Those are so important, so beautiful. You have created a legacy through your children. You are investing your time, energy and love to help mold another generation. Don't avoid becoming part of beautiful memories because you don't have make-up on. Lets give our children, grandchildren and GREAT grandchildren some photographs that they will cherish while we still can. They will want to see each crazy moment of their childhood - with their most cherished, beautiful momma in the actual picture.                  

                      

Sugar and Spice and ......DRAMA!

                                          

                     
It's a girl!
The very first time you hear those words its like a dream come true. A little girl. What a blessing! Of course, so is a little boy. But, for today's blog we are going to focus on little girls.
You know, back in the "old days" a little girl was valued far less than little boys. Families prayed for boys, boys babies were treasured. Girl babies were accepted. Dealt with. Too many little girls and not enough boys and the family was pitied. Now a days is much different. Isn't it?
Hm, you know - I don't think so.
We had a boy and a girl. Pregnant with my third, we debated finding out the sex of the baby. I caved, what can I say - I'm a planner. It was a girl. Oh, I was happy. But, maybe a little disappointed? Nervous even? TWO little girls? Yikes. And the reaction I received from others was no better. "Another little girl? Wow, you are going to have your hands full!" It was not the same reaction as one would have received hundreds of years ago, yet - it was far from the reaction I would have gotten if I had said we were having a boy.
My "hands full" - hm. Why?
 Well, I think most people view little girls as more, um, shall we say "difficult"? Sometimes, I agree. They are very, very "difficult'. For those of you with all boys - here is a little insight to my life with precious little girls. I live with up and down emotions, feelings that are so strong they appear very physical. With constant neediness - the need for physical love, hugs, touch. With the need for reassurance and acceptance. I live with questions that range from "mommy, why doesn't that girl like me? I want her to be my best friend" to "mommy, will you still be my mommy in heaven"? Deep thoughts are part of my day - every time I look into those deep brown eyes they are full of emotions, feelings, thoughts and questions.
Little girls are full of drama - and therefore so is my life. A simple, quiet discipline will turn into a complete and utter meltdown - just because she couldn't put dolly down to brush her teeth(clearly because it would mess up her hair). And, my little girls are only 5 and one and a half. I can only imagine how the drama and emotions will become larger and larger.
But, you know what? I wouldn't change it for the world. Of course, every mom says that, and we all mean it. However, I see a very special charge in raising little girls. Boys obviously have their challenges as well. Moms with all boys have a special mission, as well as have been blessed with a special patience all their own! But, raising little girls - I see it as a huge responsibility and blessing from above. Let me tell you what I see when I look at my emotional, dramatic little girls.

I see......a college student with her whole life in front of her. She can do or become anything. A doctor, scientist, engineer, missionary, explorer, President, teacher of young hearts, chef, etc. Its my job to fill her with that confidence, that drive. To teach her that she is a strong, capable woman. That even as an unsure high school student - she is a wondrous child of God who can do and beomce anything she wants to. Such a responsibility for a mom of little girls. How many of us walked with such confidence, or received such instruction at home as children? Well, as moms to little girls - we CAN instill this in their hearts. It is our job. We are raising the women and leaders of tomorrow.

I see a.......wife. A child who will someday grow up and marry her prince charming. How am I taking these wild emotions I see now and molding them, teaching this young woman how to handle them so that she can develop a meaningful, thriving marriage some day? Do I let her have free reign? Give in to those crazy, drama filled mornings where she must wear what she wants or her life is over? Ha. For those who know me, know I accept the challenge. Of course not. But, is how we handle the emotions of a 5, 6, or 7 year old really going to affect the relationship she will have with her husband? Absolutely. It takes work, time, energy and diligence to raise a little girl. But, oh - the amazing woman she will become is beyond our wildest dreams.

Lastly......I see a mother. I see a woman who will raise our next generation. Parenting is a generational thing. It feels like we are living in the moment, moms. It feels like we are trying to just survive today. But, remember this - you are raising the women who will raise your grandchildren. Your sweet baby girl will have her own sweet babies. And, raising our next generation - as you well know - is quite a challenge and responsibility. Being a mom is, by far, the hardest job in the world. I think 99% of the population would agree with that. Hm. Maybe that would be why raising little girls can be so hard? Maybe these emotional, dramatic, wild, stubborn, strong willed little girls are perfectly designed that way?

Maybe our good Lord created us, as women, to be able to handle the difficulties that raising a family would entail. Maybe, just maybe, raising little girls has its specific challenges because we are raising the mothers of tomorrow. Moms who will face the same difficult, exhausting, discouraging days that we do. Moms who will need a strong foundation to take these tiny little beings and help them become functioning, capable adults who will live full, blessed lives.
Hm, maybe raising little girls is a special blessing all its own. When my little girls run to me and start brushing my hair, or climb up in my lap to kiss my cheek I remember this. When I the drama begins before 6:30 in the morning, or when it lasts well past 8:00 at night - I take a deep breath, and remember this.

So, here I am, sitting here with my coffee, wondering now what baby number 4 will be. I have one boy, two little girls. Guess what everyone wants us to have? Yep, a boy. And, oh that would be so wonderful! What a blessing. My son would love a brother, and my husband would love another little boy. It would be perfect - 2 boys, 2 girls. But, you know - deep, deep, DEEP down........another little girl would make my heart happy. Because I see the huge responsibility and blessing it is. A gift I would be given. To raise another woman of tomorrow. . . . . makes my heart happy. So, boy or girl - healthy, happy baby! I will take it. Either one. I will do my best, each day to raise these littles to have pure hearts, strong heads and capable bodies.  Remember moms, as you handle these wild emotions of your daughters.....you have in your hands tomorrow's mothers, tomorrow's world leaders, tomorrow's teachers. What an incredible honor, a blessing, a gift........and a big responsibility. One we should remember not to take it lightly.

Don't Let It Show!

                                                

  

"The face is the window to the soul" ...... yeaaaah. That's awesome.
See, this has always been a BIG problem for me. I remember working as a teacher's assistant when I was 20 and being called into the Principal's office. I had messed up. Don't remember what I did - and yes, even at 20 I was a bit oh, lets just say - unpredictable! Anyway, the principal just informed me that whatever I had said or done was not the way things went around there. I, clearly, disagreed with my chastisement but kept my mouth shut and nodded. As I was allowed to leave she stopped me at the door with a gentle, but firm warning.....
"Be careful, your feelings are written all over your face"

Gulp.
Heh, heh. Okaaaay. That was the very first time I realized that my innermost thoughts and feelings actually showed. All. Over. My. Face. And, I didn't intend them to!
Well, I wouldn't make that mistake again!
Except I do. Every single day.

My husband is a genius. I don't know how he always knows. Even when I say "I'm FINE." or......."That's fine" or, "Whatever" - he can still tell I'm lying! And, he calls me out on it! Then we have to talk and oh man. How does he figure it out?

And my kids, lol - oh I can stop those adorable littles in their tracks with the raise of an eyebrow. What power I have with them. I can make them grin and run into my arms with a loving smile. Or, I can reduce them to feeling devastated and alone with a simple angry, awful stare.

At the grocery store, the lady who just nearly ran  my cart and my children and me into the stack of bread - oh - let me just tell you the nasty look she got!
Clearly I have perfected the art of expressing myself without making a sound. In fact, I think most of us are pretty good at this.

My 5 yo little is a beautiful spirit. She is someone I adore, and is going to become an amazing woman someday. Unfortunately, she has developed my little habit of "face-making". Whenever my little gets in trouble, she will walk away with angry eyebrows and a huge roll of the eyes....all the while muttering made up words under her breath. WHAT?
Who is this child???? She can't do that!
Obviously, I stop her every time (intentional parenting!!) and call her back to me. This last time we spoke about how the problem wasn't only the disrespect she was showing to me, it was about how the feelings in her heart were coming through on her face. It wasn't a face issue, or even a self control issue. It was a heart issue.

(side note: My 7yo at this point chipped in with his suggestion, taken directly from Disney's Frozen. "All you have to do is conceal it, don't feel it - don't let it show! Let it go, let it go................"
ha ha ha, love these kids!)

Well, anyway - so we are working on this. Together. As a family. I believe its important for my kids to know - Mommy's not perfect either. My heart is so often in the wrong place - and when it takes over my face and affects other people - I need to stop and regain control. I have to work on self control every single day. Not to stop myself from flying off the handle, no. Self control is a much sneakier adversary. We loose control every single day - multiple times - without even realizing it. The looks I give people, the words I mutter under my breath while I am driving. The spoon I slam down on the counter. The door I shut a little too hard. The words that slip out when I am upset with my littles.
My kids know I am working on self control. But, today I am going to focus on my face. It does, after all, reflect my heart. I am going to try to smile at my kids all day long. Even when I don't feel like smiling at them!
 I am going to grin and forgive that crazy lady at the grocery store (maybe let out a little "beep beep!" just so she knows we are in front of her?!) Today I am going to try to stop the anger from taking over my heart - and appearing on my face.

Words are a powerful weapon, but sometimes we can hurt with only a look. I am trying to teach this very important lesson to my children and therefore - its a lesson I need to relearn myself.
Good luck today moms. Take a breath,  we are all a work in progress.....and our kids need to know that. Smile at your children today. Let them see that your heart is happy. Smile at the lady at the grocery store, she may be in a world of hurt all her own. Even if you don't feel it at first - sometimes it takes a conscious effort to change our heart -  try to put the smile on your face. You may be amazed at the reactions you will get.

Each Day is A GIFT

                                                      

 

Such a common saying. We know this already. I have blogged about it before! Our littles are a blessing, each day is a gift, enjoy and cherish it......its all been said. We all know it.
Then tragedy strikes. It finds our family. Our loved one. Our dear friends. Our community.
My last blog was about not living in fear. We see bad things all around us and instead of living in fear of them happening, we should be thankful for each day and live it to the fullest.
Well, today's blog is expanding on that a bit. Call it a part 2 if you will.

This week has been a very difficult one for me. This post is a difficult one to write. But its one I need to. Its a post we all need to read once in a while. Because, our gifts - our very precious blessings - become ordinary. They become annoyances. Our precious littles become frustrating. Our husbands or wives become one of many on our list of grievances.

This week, our dear friends have been suffering through something NO parent should ever, ever have to go through. One of their little miracles is fighting for her life. A week ago, it was just another long night with a baby - bottles, diapers, fussy afternoons. Now - they would give anything to have that back. They are holding on to every last bit of hope and have the whole country praying for a miracle.

Our community in Boston lost two of our finest. Just like that. Our heroes are gone. They went rushing in, not a thought of themselves. Didn't look back. So young - they left devastated families behind.
These two events have left me emotional empty. Hours I have cried and prayed for this little baby and her family. Disbelief I felt as I watched the fire and aftermath in Boston.

These are tragedies. They are devastating. This is a sad post to write - but there is a purpose behind this. So often we ask why. Why would this be allowed to happen. Why to these amazing people? Oh they are answers we just don't have and no amount of faith in the world makes it ok. So, can anything even remotely positive come out of it?

Well, I stopped yesterday - in a very frustrating moment with my littlest little. She doesn't have a ton of words yet and has taken to whining every command. Over. and Over. and Over. (This particular stage - while I adore her - drives me to the point of severe frustration. We all have kiddos who go through difficult stages. Newborns, toddlers, terrible 3's, pre adolescent, teenagers. If there hasn't been a stage yet - there will be, new moms, I promise.) Well, yesterday was a particularly rough day. I got her down from her high chair after 10 min of non stop whining (clearly I didn't serve her exactly what she was expecting) I went to walk away to take a breath - and I stopped. I reached down and picked her up and just held her.
I felt her little heart beating, smelled her baby fresh hair and kissed her sweet little neck. How precious. What a gift.  A gift I may not have tomorrow. A gift I have been given today.
There is no guarantee for tomorrow. Its not something we should expect, or think we deserve. Our children, our husbands, our parents, our relatives and our friends are all precious, precious gifts! Every morning we wake up is our own chance at a new day. A new, amazing gift of life.
When these tragedies strike - sickness, fires, plane crashes, death - it can really affect our hearts - our emotions. Why? Because we realize for that brief moment how precious each life.....and each day is. We realize that no tomorrow is certain. Life is fragile and not to be taken for granted.
So, should we walk around in fear? Terrified when our loved ones walk out the door? When they sneeze or cough?When we don't hear from them exactly when we should? 
Clearly not. Faith is something we need to develop and practice, and fear has no place in a peaceful, joyful life.

Nor should we forget how precious each day with them is. How perfectly lovely each wet baby kiss is. How grateful we should be for the pictures colored for us by sticky little hands. That the toys we trip over are reminders of the amazing gifts asleep in their beds. How our spouse's frustrating habits are simply a reminder that he is there. Asleep next to us. Walking by our side the next day.

So moms - pray with me for these families - as they walk through these difficult days, trying to come to terms with what they are going through.
And, then - stop. And thank the Lord for your life. No matter how frustrating, or stressful or truly difficult things may seem at this moment. You are awake. You have been given a new day. Your littles are sleeping sweetly in their beds, probably waking up soon. What an incredible gift. Take in their sweet smells, their giggles and their tears. Know that each moment with them is blessed. Love your husband. Call him, text him. Show him he is special and loved. Your family members that drive you crazy - they won't always be there.
 Don't forget to say I love you, tomorrow is not a guarantee, its a gift.

No Fear

                                           

So......I am scared. Yep. I am afraid of so many things. Its weird. I was not always like this. I wasn't the kid who was afraid of the dark, or strangers, or bugs! I didn't have those nightmares kids have (maaaay get a call from Mom after she reads this. We may remember things differently!) I never had those strange phobias....like a certain adorable 5 year old who is unable to go potty at night for fear of the non-existent bug in the toilet!
 Nope, not me. I was pretty darn brave. Even after I got married, I was proud of my ability to "handle things". I was that "outspoken, not afraid of any guy" kind of girl!

Fast forward. I have just given birth. I am holding this precious little miracle in my arms. 8lbs of pure perfection. I would have given my life at that exact moment to protect this amazing little angel sent from heaven.
Oh. My. Gosh. I am officially terrified. My husband deployed a few days after my oldest little was born. I was a wreck. I was afraid. What if something happened to him? What would I do? I left my little 6 week old miracle with his Godmother for the first time so I could run to the pharmacy. I was gone 45min. I was a hot mess. I was terrified. What if he needed me? What if something happened, like an earthquake? How would I get to him?
Well, clearly I have evolved a bit - those random, crazy terrors of a first time momma are a bit less intense, less irrational. However, I am officially a more fearful person. Becoming a wife and mother help to create a new type of feeling, a new love. It creates something you can't explain, like a ferocious type of "momma bear" fierceness that can only be described as love.
You wouldn't know I am terrified, I hide it well.
I am better now than I was 4 or 5 years ago. I was in rough shape then. When my husband would leave for work, he would have to call me or text me when he got there. My kids didn't drive with anyone but us (well, they still don't for the most part!). When sickness came my heart braced for the worst diagnosis. If there was a chance for a babysitter, I would worry something would happen to us - what would become of my kids?!
It was not something that consumed me, just the occasional, random moment of terror. Fear that would, just once in a while, grip my heart. But, it was awful. I loved these amazing gifts from God (my husband included) so much I could not fathom life any other way.
And, then the thinking would start. I didn't deserve these amazing little people in my life. Bad things happen to good people. We are too blessed. I waited for the other shoe to drop.

Mommas - its a rough way to think and live. Trust me. I know. It really takes the joy away from a life that should be lived in peace and happiness. A life full of blessings meant to be enjoyed.
Here comes the "faithy" part. I was right. About everything. I didn't deserve these amazing gifts. Bad things do happen to good people. We are blessed.
We are blessed.
Me. My family.
Created by an All-Powerful, Mighty God. He formed my little miracles in my womb, me gave me the gift of a husband - to be by my side for as long as the Lord has planned. He loves my children. He loves me. He. Loves. Me. Could I trust this Maker with what I held most dear?
It was a struggle, for sure. Of course I knew He could take care of us. But, I also knew that random, awful things happen to wonderful people all the time. How could I expect to be any different?
Because He loves me. I needed to believe that. It won't change anything - random awful, heartbreaking things could happen to my precious family or me at any time. But, I belong to a Mighty God who has blessed me for a purpose and has called me to the life I now live.
I chose to stop living in fear - even if it was a closet fear no one knew about. I chose to start thanking Him every day for my blessings. I realized that each blessing was given for a reason. What was I doing with them? My focus needed to shift from fear of loosing those blessings to joy in exploring what I was going to do with my blessings. How would I raise my children? What kind of people will I send out into this world? How would I treat my husband? What kind of wife will I be to him?

Could I still loose these things I hold most dear? Absolutely. But, my faith has grown by leaps and bounds and I now take each day for what it is. A gift. A gift full of blessings to enjoy, love, cherish , teach and mold. To be honest, I do a lot more thanking now than worrying. My fear has turned into gratitude. Gratitude for the time I do have with my littles, with my best friend, with my family and friends. Each moment is a gift. I have faith that our lives will be full and blessed.
If something catastrophic happens.......I know I am loved. Loved and carried through.

So, take a deep breath mommas. Let go of those fears deep down. You DO deserve the blessings you have been given. Say a prayer of thanks, give them an extra hug and kiss and get back to the job molding those littles to bless the world as biggies.