A Sister Wife, A Friend

You've been there.
Its the end of a very long, very bad, horrible, no good day.
Maybe not the whole day. Actually, now that I think about it - the day that prompted this post was busy, long and exhausting but had some pretty good moments in there. 
But, oh those last 3 or 4 hours did me in!

Ok. Picture it.
Baby crying in sling, going on 38 min non stop. We are talking back arching, hair pulling (as in, she was pulling mine), booger-smearing crying (yes, that's right. sometimes babies still cry - even when you are wearing them. So fun.)
Dinner taking 3 hours to prepare (due to countless interruptions, not to gourmet cooking) 
Please note: will take kids 3 seconds to decide they don't like it.
Toddler screaming because she wants a banana, doesn't want a banana, wants to help cook, doesn't want to wash hands, wants to eat the the dinner prep, doesn't want to eat the dinner. You know the drill. 
Big kids "practicing" their instruments, wow, sweet - sweet melodies. Who gave them that harmonica? 
Dog barking.
The smoke detector may or may not have gone off at some point.

Ok. So bad evening.

Somehow we made it through dinner. I can not promise that scary mommy didn't make an appearance, or three - but baths and bedtime finally came and I collapsed on the couch in an exhausted heap.
 Hubby had only been gone for 3 out of 15 days. Sigh. 

I texted a fellow mom - "are your littles asleep yet?"
Her response? "Finally! I am exhausted! House a mess but I can't move!"
Ha ha ha - I could totally relate. My wine glass looked longingly at me from the table but my body wouldn't move. 

Guess what moms? We are not alone. When it comes to this motherhood thing we obviously all live different lives. Some of us are married, some single. Some of us work outside the home, others are home with kids all day. Some of us are experienced mommas, others are first timers. 
But the one thing we have in common is that we are often doing this parenting thing on our own. As I said each family is different - so for those families that has Dad home with kiddos - this blog post is for you too!
Whether Daddy is deployed, works nights, works two jobs, works all day, has to travel or works from home shut away in an office.........we moms are often left to navigate the long hours alone. 

But, we aren't alone! We have each other! Dear friends - its often the glue that holds me together. Knowing that I am not the only one who looses her head sometimes. Knowing that I have a friend who knows my heart, who knows my scary mommy moments, who knows my fears, my joys and my failures and STILL loves me and encourages me. 

And, guess what? We were not meant to do this alone! How often do I wish for a sister wife! 
**please note - I mean this in all ways but one - I would never share my absolutely phenomenal husband, ever!**
 But, oh a sister wife would be pretty cool in all other aspects, no?!
 Someone to have coffee with in the morning as I try to function after another sleepless night. Someone to help me wrangle all the littles into the car to head to the playground - or instead just turn them loose in the backyard while we sip wine and stare off into space......together! My mountains of laundry would be higher, but we would definitely fold it faster as we talk our way through it!  

Well, a sister wife would be awesome, buuuuuuut not entirely realistic I suppose. So instead, I will cherish those friends I have. And constantly be reaching out for more. I know there are many hours where I will be alone - figuring out this parenting thing on my own. 
I know there are many days where you, dear mom, will feel so alone - so exhausted, and so in need of a sister wife. So reach out! Remember, we ALL have days on our own. Whether a single mom, a mom who's hubby works crazy hours or is away from the home - we all need that friend to text us at the end of a long day. That "sister wife" who knows our hearts, who knows our exhaustion and our faults. And still loves us! Some of us moms feel we have to do this on our own if Daddy isn't there.That we need to be independent, super moms.  But we don't. We were not designed to!

So, if you know a mom trying to do it all, be it all and yet she needs a "sister wife" - go to her!  Be the example. Bring over a bottle of wine and surprise her during the "witching hour" (new moms: thats the horrible time of day between the hours of 4-6 when your child suddenly turns into a mix between the Tasmanian Devil and the Grinch. Its SO fun.)
 Or even better bring ice cream for dinner and her kids will love you too!  

Text your dear friend at the end of YOUR long day - I am willing to bet hers was long too. We all live different lives - but we all need our friends. Reach out to yours today. The more you reach out the more fulfilled you will be in the end. We are all in this together, our paths are different but oh so similar too. And, never hesitate to smile or connect with another mom. 
Its this club we are in, ladies. A very special club, where the members CAN survive alone but will THRIVE with the love and support of other moms. 

Tis the Season

                                           

For some, the holidays mean beautiful Crate & Barrel decorated tables, magazine inspired Christmas trees, hand crafted ornaments, meticulously decorated living rooms and delicious fig infused adult beverages. 

This. Is. Not. My. Life. 

My holidays mean half-done, gluey Christmas projects drying on cluttered counters. Flour and frosting covered littles with more candy & glitter on the floor than on the mutant looking gingerbread men. My holidays mean a crooked Christmas tree that has a couple breakable ornaments up top - and hundreds of hand-print, foot-print reindeer and snowmen ornaments covering the bottom. Its loud, its messy, its chaos. 
Its AWESOME. 
Its the season of my life right now. 

It has been exactly 3 months since my last blog post. I know this because it was the day I went in to have my 4th amazing, precious little! She is a beautiful miracle and I can not believe it has been 3 months already. Life with 4 has been quite an adjustment! There is a clip going around Facebook - having 4 littles is equivalent to drowning and someone hands you a baby. Ha ha - yep, sometimes that is spot on!

 But, there is a very important lesson I am finally, FINALLY learning. And, it has only taken me 8 years of motherhood and 4 children to even slightly grasp. 
My life has become sectioned into seasons. Phases if you prefer that term but, I like seasons. 

I remember when my first little was very tiny. I remember all the worries. How would I ever get him to sleep longer at night? How would we ever transition to a sippy cup? There is no WAY on heaven and earth I will ever get him to give up the binky!!!!
But, he did. He is not an 8 year old who nurses every 2 hours, requires a bottle at bedtime and is attached to a plastic sucking nipple. Amazing. 

Then the 2nd little came along. She was a bit more, um, challenging? Now the same questions, challenges and fears started to rise again. I still doubted that my child would ever outgrow the binky. I would love to say it was my stellar parenting, my firm resolve and obvious knack for discipline.......but - nope. My sweet little eventually passed through that stage and moved on. 

I am realizing my life is, from beginning to end, a series of seasons. As I try desperately to hold on to the tiny little dimpled fists, and willing them to stay tiny, I am realizing that it doesn't work that way. My season of holding tiny, dimpled fists will eventually be over. 

My season of college life, parties, staying up late, living pretty carefree - that season has passed. But, oh man, it was awesome. But, OH MAN, I would not want it again. My season of being a newlywed is over as well. That was fun! But, it definitely had its challenges as well. I much prefer the relationship I have now - over a decade later - with my husband to the one we started out with. 

Each child goes through seasons or phases as well. The night terrors, the pooping in their pants, the tantrums, waking up before the sun, two hour bedtime routines, struggles in school, struggles with friends, struggles with behaviors, separation anxiety and so many many more. While you're in the middle of some of these its hard to see them as a phase but they are! They don't last. 

My seasons are a little different than my children's. Mine are more like the season of my messy, unorganized home, The never ending piles of laundry. The bickering with my husband over finances or a child's challenging behavior. The lack of socializing with my long lost friends. The feelings of being overwhelmed, or lonely. The season of lost identity. The season of exhaustion. 

These are seasons, dear moms. Its a phase in our lives. And, just like our children's phases of bedtime struggles - it feels sometimes like this will never end. But, I promise - it will. Our sweet, precious littles are growing and changing every day. I blinked and my sweet baby boy turned 8. 

I went out last night for the football game (go Pats!) and enjoyed some time with friends - while our ridiculous amount of children laughed and ran around us. To be fair, I was still in my pj's and hadn't showered, but I WENT OUT! And, had fun! 

My husband and I collapse on the couch these days after getting 4 kiddos to bed. There will be a time where we once again chase each other around the kitchen table - but right now, the only thing we are moving that fast for is a toddler who is removing her diaper. 

That is my season. And, with the ups and downs I will embrace it. Its temporary, just like winter or Christmas. Spring, summer, fall - will come. 

Enjoy this season. Enjoy the present. Remember the challenges of today will not last. New challenges will come tomorrow, but you will triumph over those just as you overcame the past ones. 
I know I will look back and miss this. THIS SEASON. But, I know I will be in a new season with its own blessings and challenges. 

So, hold on tight to this crazy ride. Celebrate the season you are in at this moment. It won't last. The good and bad will eventually end, and - as in our brave, determined fashion -we will continue on this journey one day at a time. 
Tis the Season........

The End.......

                                            

How does one begin a blog on the END? Especially an hour before leaving to go to the hospital to have a baby?? I mean, the END - sounds kind of morbid? Sad? Negative? 

Well, let me tell you - right before a baby comes moms think. Moms get a wee tad bit emotional. Moms know the extreme change that is about to take place in our universe and sometimes these moms need to get up at 3:30 to blog about it! ha ha ha

In all seriousness, it has been a very fast 9 months. A new little life is about to take its first breath. A first cry, a first glimpse at a tiny little one's face......so many firsts are about to take place. 

But, this is also a big last. This is our last baby. ((barring any major "oops" of course!))

Baby number 4 - what a lifetime of blessings we have been given. If you had asked me in high school or college if this is where I saw myself in the future - military wife, homeschooling mom, FOUR kids? I would have called you bat sh*! crazy! 

But, what a wild, amazing ride its been. I have loved (for the most part!) being pregnant, birthing babies, nursing little ones, bathing squirming little bodies and chasing toddlers. 

While I still have a couple toddlers to chase, this is the end of my birthing babies phase of life. Whoa. 

That's a big deal. As a mom, you know when you are done having children. Most women just know. But that urge, that feeling of "oh, what if" when you see a newborn baby or remember the tiny hiccups that took over your belly - it never goes away, does it? 

I guess its exactly how God intended it to be, because the miracle of growing a life in your womb is hands down the most incredible experience in the whole world. Not always pleasant or comfortable - but incredible. 

But, all things must end. It is one of the definite's of life - one of the concrete things we can count on. In this life, there is a beginning and an end. There will be a last baby. There will be a last time that I nurse an infant, change a diaper and wipe a nose. There will be a last time that my daughter needs me to dry her hair for her, and a last time that my son needs me to fix him a snack. My crazy toddler will not always run into my arms calling "mama", very soon she will switch to "mom" just like the big kids. 

And, there will be a last time that I feel these little kicks, this little squirming body within mine. 

Today is that day for me. 

It could make me sob, thinking about it. 

Or, it could not. 

I could look at all these emotional lasts and know, without a doubt - I have done my best to cherish these moments. To be thankful for the gift of these precious moments, memories and experiences. I could look at the phase of my life that's ending and let it consume me with regret or sadness, or....... I could embrace the one that is ahead. 

The one where my littles become - not so little. Where I see them grow into the children, teens and young adults that they are destined to be. 

I have loved watching them learn to sit, walk, talk and play - why stop now? 

As these little people enter the next phase in their life with courage and excitement - I will try to do the same. 

I will cherish these last precious moments of watching my large belly morph in front of me, cry tears of joy when I meet this little miracle today and step out into the new and exciting journey that lies ahead of me.  

I will be grateful for each day that I get to watch these littles grow into amazing big little people. 

I will breathe and trust that in this life, when there is a beginning - there will also always be an end. The end comes. Whether we are ready or not. This life is a gift, every single day is a precious, amazing gift. This life is a ride, a crazy, amazing ride. And, yes - the end to everything will eventually come. 

Thank God we always have the next "phase" to look forward to. 

Life As We Know It.....

                                              

Well, this blog may be a little different than most - as I want to share with you a little about our day to day life!

 I originally started this blog to document my journey in motherhood, parenting, homeschooling and life in general. More for me than you - but it has been so rewarding to share and get to know those who struggle with the same things! 
So, this being a new school year - and almost a year since I began writing - I thought an update was needed. 

The biggest change in our lives will be the addition of our 4th little blessing during the first week of October. We are beyond thrilled! 

****But, seriously? YIKES! FOUR KIDS!****
 (ha ha ha ha - Oh Lord - please pour out Your Blessings, Grace and please please dear husband buy me more wine!)

In addition to this amazing little miracle, this past spring and summer has been a bit crazy with dear Daddy deployed for most of it. He has come and gone (we are so grateful for the days and weeks he was able to be home!) but it was most challenging being pregnant and on my own with three littles this summer. But, God is good - and provides strength and endurance when ours runs out. 

Our homeschool year ended a bit abruptly last spring - early May - when dear mommy quit. lol No really. I quit. We had finished some of our subjects early and the rest we realized we needed a new curriculum for - a new, fresh approach, because clearly this one wasn't working. I was miserable! 

We continued reading, doing projects and going on field trips throughout the summer but took time off from hard core studies. It was a challenging first year of homeschooling for me. I tried to hard to mimic the incredible Christian school my son had previously attended. I tried SO hard to give my daughter the same foundation he had. I failed - so so miserably! Or at least I thought so! 

Problem was - we stopped having fun. We never had time for field trips, projects, crafts, playing!!! 

Good grief - what was I homeshcooling for then?! When the joy is sapped out of something, anything - marriage and parenting included - then you tend to doubt your purpose. 

So, THIS year - things are different! After I spent a few days in the fetal position wondering how on earth I would homeschool a 3rd grader, 2nd year Kindergarten'er and all while taking care of a 2 year old and a newborn - I scraped myself off the floor and got to work.
 I spent most of the spring and summer questioning other moms, researching different curricula, thinking - writing and re-writing schedules until I came up this this years "plan"! Here it is:
I have employed the KISS method. 

Keep. It. Simple. Stupid. 

Yep. Simplify. When in doubt -simplify your life! Kids hungry when they get home from school? Feed them dinner at 3:30! Why not? 
Then homework, play, shower - snack and bed! Cha-ching. 
Daddy deployed or working late for a while and evenings are quite possibly the most evil time of the day? Shower and bathe kids early, mornings even, then feed them dinner at lunch time and do pb&j for a quick snack before bed - swap the schedule around! Make it easy, make it simple.

So - instead of cramming 10 subjects down my 3rd grader's throat - here is what I "teach" him:
Math
Grammar
Reading
Spelling


Done. (oh - but we're not, just breathe all you doubters! Just breathe!) 

Here is what I "teach" my K5'er:
Reading
Grammar
Math


Done.  ;) 

I should also note, we begin each day with Bible - its a fun, family time that has SO enriched our lives. Really cool way to start your day - just sayin'! 

So I have a set amount of individual time with each child a couple times a day for new lessons, reviews, tests, etc in each of these subjects. Its our very sacred one-on-one time. We all look forward to it. During those times the toddler has her activity boxes, Curious George, music, and sibling to play with. 

This greatly reduced the stress on me. Whereas last year I had 6 or 7 subjects I was requiring myself to teach, individually, to each child. Um, yeah - okay no wonder I withered and died a horrible death. No wonder we had zero time for joy or fun, or anything else. 

This year we have implemented "Independent Work" as well. Each child has a set of work boxes and folders. They each have a clip board with a printed, laminated check list for each day. Every morning I take 20-30 min and we go over their IW for the day. 
This includes (for the third grader): 
Spelling words
Cursive
Reading Comprehension
Silent Reading
Copy work
Math Practice
Vocabulary
And anything else I may feel like adding that day! 

My K5'er would have
Copy work
Math Practice
Silent Reading
Coloring
Art work of some kind
Lego building
..........etc. 

Not every subject, every day - but usually 3-5 activities that they are responsible to complete before the school day is done.


The Independent Work is to be done while I am teaching the other child, working with the toddler or baby to be, doing dishes, blogging ;) etc!
This is a great system that encourages independence, responsibility and pride in accomplishment. 
So far - its working great! 

The other change we have implemented this year is our 4 week cycle. We will school in 4 weeks.
The first three weeks are Academic Weeks, the 4th week is our Enrichment Week. 

Enrichment Weeks are a much needed step back from the hard core academics and instead focus on enrichment activities!
 Our week includes science lessons and experiments, history lessons, historical biography reading, amazing field trips, art projects, crafts, Little Passport Lessons and just fun activities. 

So, this is a little glimpse into our (always being tweaked!) schedule this fall. I can not tell you how excited I am for this year. I am very happy with the skills the kids have maintained over their summer break, their enthusiasm for our new year and the way most days flow right now. 

So far so good - but remember, no day is perfect for ANY mom! Most are FAAAAAR from it! 
I still turn into "CRAAAAAZZZZY MOMMY" by 5pm! There are some days (and its only week 2!) that I want to send them all back where they came from, and other days where my hormones, exhaustion and stress land me back in that familiar fetal position!

 But, I get to wake up each morning to a fresh start, a new day and His abundant forgiveness, amazing blessings and infinite GRACE! 
I get to enjoy my cup of coffee and watch my littles grow, learn, play, laugh and become amazing people before my eyes! Life is about to get a little crazier - but I think its going to be ok! 

((however, I will keep you posted!))

Will post pictures of the work boxes, clip boards (individually decorated of course!) and websites I love and visit on our facebook page! 
https://www.facebook.com/blessingsgraceandwine?ref=hl

Hope your school year is off to an amazing start - and don't forget - its really all about Blessings, Grace and of course the occasional glass (or bottle?!) of wine! 

What Goes In......Must Come Out

                                                               

I have been waking up early the past few weeks, usually around 6:00am. An ungodly hour for some - including myself. However, this whole pregnancy thing can get quite uncomfortable around this point so sleep often eludes me. That,  and I really am enjoying the quiet, my coffee and my secret stash of mini blueberry muffins. 

As I have sat here, in the quiet of the morning, I have been noticing that, as of late,  I seem to be lacking in the patience, gentleness and self control department. I attribute some of it to my usual weaknesses,  made greater by - you guessed it - pregnancy! It really is fun, isn't it moms?

 So, I have been praying - so hard - for help in controlling my verb-age when it comes to my sweet babies. I want to be kind, loving, gentle to speak. Gentle to discipline. I don't want to break down and sob on the floor when the toddler spills her milk - again. I don't want to threaten bodily harm when my son speaks out of line - again. I don't want to question my daughter's mental capacity (aloud anyway) when I see her brushing the bathroom mirror instead of her teeth. I want to speak gently.  

So, I have been praying, hard. But, I just can't seem to control the emotions, the words, the feelings. I know that my body is being hijacked by a mini-being - but I know that through prayer and determination I can work on how I address my children! I can control how I speak, I can be that gentle, quiet mother who admonishes through love, not anger - can't I???

My devotion verse today - Matthew 12:34-35
   "For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil things stored up in him."

You don't say. 

 Guess what moms, while how we speak IS a control issue, its also a much bigger heart issue.
 See what comes out of my mouth is a direct result of what has filled my heart. The problem may not be as much a self control or character issue as it is an issue of what goes in - will also come out.  If my well is dry - gentleness, kindness, patience will never be able to flow out of it.

 Goodness in = goodness out! Guess what, Moms? We need to take time to replenish our supply of good, in order to bestow it on the ones we hold most dear. We need our well to remain full and not run dry. In other words - for those who believe in the power of God to replenish, restore and fill - spend time with Him! Take some quiet time in the morning. Find a great little devotional, read the Bible (whaaaat???!!!)..........pray even! Take time to get together with a dear friend - one who will encourage you, pray for you, listen to you - love you. Go for a walk - by yourself. Recharge. 

Anyone else have littles that think 6am is ok to wake up and start their day? Put. Them. Back. To. Bed. 
7:30 is absolute earliest in this house. Littlest little - thank goodness - still sleeps til almost then. But, even she will learn when its ok to come out. 
Moms need that quiet time. Mornings are best - but anytime you can get it - take it!
For those that read this that don't believe what I do - I would encourage you to explore it - my faith has saved me - on more than one occasion. Motherhood is far too demanding and depleting to attempt without an anchor of faith. 

As moms we live to fulfill the needs of those around us. We give and give of ourselves, without a thought of anything in return. But, you can't give if there is nothing left. You can not give the love, patience, support, encouragement and guidance your children and husband need if YOU, dear mom, are not seeking these same things from above. Our tongues, our words, our responses to spilled milk are going to be a direct reflection of the shape our own hearts are in. 
Remember, one can give only if one has. Take time to fill your heart with the Word, prayer, reflection, peace and happiness. You will be amazed at what is then able to come out.......

 "For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil things stored up in him."

Love is.....HARD

                                   

Well, I just realized my last blog was months ago! What happened? I was doing SO well! Blogging was totally no big deal - I could fit it in. No problem. Then, I blinked and almost 2 months went by. Oops.

But, it has been on my heart. So many days - so many accomplishments and failures. Laughter, joy, tears, heartache. Life continues on at an amazing pace - it doesn't stop because I don't have time to sit down and write about it.

I love my life. I love my children, I LOVE my husband. It gets crazy - but I really do love it.
And, by love it, I mean - it makes me sob tears of joy, scream through tears of frustration, growl and bark at my children in ways that are truly of the animal kingdom, throw things, hug so tightly, kiss so sweetly....loving my life.....makes. me. crazy. Seriously.

LOVE.

You know that verse about love? Here, let me remind you:
1 Corinthians 13 (ESV)
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant ⁵ or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;^{[b] 6} it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Yeeeeaaaahhhh. Remember that one? The one that, as moms, reminds us of our short comings every. single. day? Love is patient. Oops. Love is kind. Um, missed that one today. Love is not rude (does snapping at my kiddos count? Really?) Its not irritable or resentful??? Ugh.

Oh moms - we know this verse. Even those of you who don't read the Bible have heard of it! Its at every wedding ceremony, its what we are taught to reach for! And, its not a bad thing! True love - true agape love is definitely what we should reach for every single day.

But, I want to just call attention to the laaaaast little line of this verse. We had a sermon a while back about this and it was eye opening for me.  Love is not easy or painless. Read this:
Vs 7 - LOVE BEARS ALL THINGS, ENDURES ALL THINGS.

Bears all things (definition) -

3.

endure (an ordeal or difficulty).

"she bore the pain stoically"

• manage to tolerate (a situation or experience).

Endures all things (definition)-

verb

3rd person present: endures

1. 1.

   suffer (something painful or difficult) patiently.

   "it seemed impossible that anyone could endure such pain"

 

Hold on a minute.

Love bears all things and endures all things. You mean, love is difficult?

 Love is an ordeal? Love is just TOLERATING something? Love is a painful experience that we suffer through???

LOVE IS REALLY REALLY HARD SOMETIMES?

 

Well, that kind of explains a lot.

I knew it wasn't easy to love.

Its not easy to love my children, day in and day out. (shh)

 

You mean, its okay to admit this is hard? That loving these little boogers isn't always easy? Sometimes its something that is actually painfully difficult?

 

Its not easy to love my husband. We don't always see eye to eye (that's putting it nicely lol) and yes sometimes, loving your best friend is much more like enduring a situation than walking through rainbows and sunshine, holding hands.

 

But, its also not easy to love them SO much. When they walk out the door for a deployment. When you watch your little one (and not so little ones) leave to go somewhere. When you loose someone you love.. . . . . . when something so horrible takes place, that you thought would never happen to you....

 

Love is very, very hard. It doesn't just mean being patient, and kind and sweet. It means its not easy to love - anyone.  It means sometimes instead feeling warm fuzzies - you want to kick and scream and cry and give up. We are far from perfect, and the people we choose to love are far from perfect. I think that probably explains why our ways of loving are an ordeal - it explains why love, for us, can be a painful, exhausting experience.

 

As my hubby left early this morning for another (thankfully short) deployment, I will re-learn this lesson - again. Seven months pregnant with our 4th little - doing it all alone is the hardest thing I have ever done (so far. Life is still young lol)

 

But, we all re-learn this - every day. Love is not all skittles and candy. Love is SO hard. Love ENDURES. Love BEARS ALL THINGS.

 

Momma - take a deep breathe. You are NOT ALONE. This mom thing is a really, really hard thing to do! Keeping our cool when pushed to the edge, walking hallways at night with sick, hot babies on our shoulders. Working through all those life lessons, that only get harder with each birthday. Praying for our children. Supporting our husbands. Taking care of our parents. Staying strong in the middle of suffering and pain that just won't quit so that our little ones won't see our fears......

 

When you feel like love is hard, its because it really is. But, we are not alone. Hold on to youf FAITH. Hold on to your family. Your friends.

And, remember, love is also healing. Love is wet, sloppy baby kisses. Love is taking a deep breath and being SO grateful for a new morning to start again.

Love is enduring.

It goes on in the face of heartache, complete exhaustion and intense stress.

 

You've got this moms. Today is a new day - LOVE it!

 

 

 

More Than I Can Handle?

                                 

You know that phrase "God Doesn't Give You More Than You Can Handle"?

I think its crap.

I do. I think that if that were true He would have to believe that I am super woman. And, I don't think He believes that. As a matter of fact, I KNOW He doesn't think that! 

These past two weeks were - oh, lets just say they were "challenging"? But, I have come out the other side and am ready to look back and debrief. I have to. Because I know that I will have other challenging days, weeks and months and I will have to make it through those as well. 

About 2 weeks ago, my husband left on a short deployment. No big deal - it was only a couple weeks, something we are becoming very accustomed to. I was a little apprehensive, which struck me as strange, but I attributed it to the fact that I am pregnant and have 3 littles to keep alive - on my own. So, off he went. 

That same day I received a phone call. My father-in-law was not well. Not well as in - needed me to pack up the kids at 5pm and drive an hour and a half away to check on him.  Okay, I got this. Was able to leave the littles with a good friend, which was a blessing as an ambulance was needed and off to the hospital we went. 

For that entire week I spent hundreds on gas as I drove back and forth between home and my father in law's hospital. Thank God he pulled through and that I was able to be there for him. By Friday he was off to rehab to regain strength and recover fully. 

Okay, a little stressful but - hey - emergencies happen, right? Things were totally going to get back to normal now!

So, Friday morning I sat sipping my coffee while the littles pretended to sleep (I threaten majorly anyone who comes out before 7am!) and put together my waaaaay overdue grocery list. 

Once everyone was up my son mentioned that the baby felt warm.

 Ha. Yeah, okay dude. 

Totally disregarded that one. As in, completely forgot to check her.

 A couple hours later - the baby felt warm. 102 read the thermometer. Awesome. 

Okay, no big deal - probably a little fever virus. It will pass. 

So, 24 hours later, Saturday night - I packed up all three littles again and headed back to the Emergency Room. This time for a toddler who's temp wouldn't go lower than 104 and was now wheezing and barking. AWWWWESOME. 

As crazy ER doctor muses that a spinal tap and septic blood work up may be in order (reeeeally dude? Give us a steroid shot and meds for the fever and send us on our way!) I gave in to a momentary lapse in control. My stomach began to churn. 

** warning** the next few lines are gross, but reality is gross sometimes. And here at Blessings, Grace and Wine, I keep it real. And,  I am sure that - pregnant or not - everyone has been here!

I sat on that hospital bed with a feverish, sick baby and two bored littles and my stomach began to hurt. I began to gurgle and sweat before I realized I needed a bathroom. ASAP. Really? A stress & pregnancy induced IBS attack HERE?! In this gross, crowded, people-lying-on-stretchers in the hallway emergency room? I stood up to find a bathroom quick when my little sick monkey screamed in protest. 

So, off I went to the bathroom down the hall, with the baby holding tight.

After I was done, baby still wrapped tightly around my neck, I apologized, deeply, to those lying outside the bathroom door. And again when I returned. And then again a third time. 

At this point, after I refused the spinal tap and blood work and the steroid shot and fever meds had begun their miraculous work, I informed the nurses that we needed to leave. NOW. It had been 5 hours. Baby was better. But to be honest. I didn't care. I was done. I was ready to go home. 

It took a few days for the cranky, sick baby to return to just the cranky baby and hubby surprised us by coming home a couple days early. Father in law is leaving rehab and returning home tomorrow and things are slowly returning to normal. 

Or course they are. Daddy is home now. 

My nightmare is over. For now. He leaves again in a week. lol

But, guess what, moms??!  We ALL go through these nightmares! We ALL have circumstances that we go through and our friends shake their heads and say - man, I don't know how you do it. But, guess what? We do it. We do it because its just what we have to do. 

Its not like I woke and up thought, hm - feeling pretty super human this week, so, life - bring it on. 

Ha.

Nope. 

But, life brought it anyway. And, I dealt with it. Not because I'm awesome. Because I'm mom. 

Because my littles needed me to. Because my father in law needed me to. Because it was what I had to do. 

This week is bringing its own challenges - and I will face those head on too. 

With faith - I couldn't do this alone. With stubborn pride. And, with GRACE. 

Because God DOES give us more than we can handle, the difference is - He doesn't expect us to do it alone. 

He is right there by our side, and gives us angels to help us along the way. 

I am grateful for my angels these past few weeks, and for the Grace that enveloped me when I thought I had reached the end of my ability to deal. 

And, of course, for the lesson in humility as I sat with sick baby on my lap, letting go, in that emergency room bathroom. 

Hang in there moms. You absolutely can handle this, you can get through it, and you will come out the other side stronger and far more confident. Just remember, Grace and Angels. Grace and Angels.