What's Wrong With You?!

****Warning*****
IF you are the kind of mom who never looses her temper, never yells at her children, never says hurtful things in the heat of the moment - STOP reading. This post is not for you - but, hey - congrats on being perfect.

 I, most certainly am - NOT. So, in keeping with the whole "being real" theme here, I am about to let you in on one of my dirty little secrets. I am not a perfect mom. Oooooh no. I loose my cool, a lot. So, here is an example. No judging here - only grace - please.
My middle blessing is 5 years old and probably one of the sweetest, kindest little girls I have ever met. I wish I could be more like her. That being said, there are definitely moments where I wonder - is she actually here right now? You know, mentally aware of her surroundings??? lol Really, it gets that bad!
Well, on one such morning, things were going from bad to worse. I don't remember details, and to be honest - if I were to tell you they probably wouldn't seem that bad. But, for me, at that moment - my house was is in chaos. I finally had gotten the VERY cranky baby to sleep for her nap when my sweet, sweet little blessing dropped, for the second time that morning, the entire contents of her "purse" outside the baby's door. CRASH! ..........followed, of course, by WAAAAAAH...... you. have. got. to. be. kidding. me.
So, I did what any gentle, loving mother would do. I yelled at her. But, I didn't just yell, I said hurtful things. The reason this story is worth telling though (besides letting you know we are ALL human and in desperate need of grace) is that in the middle of my rant I realized what I was saying and tried so hard to stop. lol Here it is:

"NYLA! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! AHHHHHH! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?????????!!!!!!!!!...............................................
NOTHING! THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. I DON'T KNOW WHY I SAID THAT! YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD AND ARE PERFECTLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE! MOMMY JUST.......got angry sweetie, and I am sorry."

Yup. Mom. of. the. year. And, her sweet little face crumpled when I had began yelling - she knew she had woken the baby. As I yelled these awful words at her, and then continued to yell my realization that what I was saying was terrible .....my sweet blessing began to grin. Even my 7 year old who was watching giggled a bit. I guess, looking back, it was a bit comical. I was essentially yelling at her while I - yelled at myself. I realized in the middle of my yell that i needed to stop, so I tried! I managed to change my words but my yelling took an extra minute or two!

So, I guess the point in all this is, man, am I thankful for grace and the chance to start over. I "start over" many times a day. lol I also apologize to my kids. A lot. I think its important for them to have the chance to give forgiveness and grace as well as receive it. I am not perfect. But, I adore my children. I will continue to wake up every morning and try again. And again. And again. For the rest of my life. That's what moms do - and the rewards - those sweet little kisses, little arms wrapped around you neck, toothless grins that melt your heart - those rewards carry me through my toughest times.

Here is to your new morning, moms. Use every new day to start over, and - enjoy those little kisses.


Psalms 141:3
Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips