More Than I Can Handle?

                                 

You know that phrase "God Doesn't Give You More Than You Can Handle"?

I think its crap.

I do. I think that if that were true He would have to believe that I am super woman. And, I don't think He believes that. As a matter of fact, I KNOW He doesn't think that! 

These past two weeks were - oh, lets just say they were "challenging"? But, I have come out the other side and am ready to look back and debrief. I have to. Because I know that I will have other challenging days, weeks and months and I will have to make it through those as well. 

About 2 weeks ago, my husband left on a short deployment. No big deal - it was only a couple weeks, something we are becoming very accustomed to. I was a little apprehensive, which struck me as strange, but I attributed it to the fact that I am pregnant and have 3 littles to keep alive - on my own. So, off he went. 

That same day I received a phone call. My father-in-law was not well. Not well as in - needed me to pack up the kids at 5pm and drive an hour and a half away to check on him.  Okay, I got this. Was able to leave the littles with a good friend, which was a blessing as an ambulance was needed and off to the hospital we went. 

For that entire week I spent hundreds on gas as I drove back and forth between home and my father in law's hospital. Thank God he pulled through and that I was able to be there for him. By Friday he was off to rehab to regain strength and recover fully. 

Okay, a little stressful but - hey - emergencies happen, right? Things were totally going to get back to normal now!

So, Friday morning I sat sipping my coffee while the littles pretended to sleep (I threaten majorly anyone who comes out before 7am!) and put together my waaaaay overdue grocery list. 

Once everyone was up my son mentioned that the baby felt warm.

 Ha. Yeah, okay dude. 

Totally disregarded that one. As in, completely forgot to check her.

 A couple hours later - the baby felt warm. 102 read the thermometer. Awesome. 

Okay, no big deal - probably a little fever virus. It will pass. 

So, 24 hours later, Saturday night - I packed up all three littles again and headed back to the Emergency Room. This time for a toddler who's temp wouldn't go lower than 104 and was now wheezing and barking. AWWWWESOME. 

As crazy ER doctor muses that a spinal tap and septic blood work up may be in order (reeeeally dude? Give us a steroid shot and meds for the fever and send us on our way!) I gave in to a momentary lapse in control. My stomach began to churn. 

** warning** the next few lines are gross, but reality is gross sometimes. And here at Blessings, Grace and Wine, I keep it real. And,  I am sure that - pregnant or not - everyone has been here!

I sat on that hospital bed with a feverish, sick baby and two bored littles and my stomach began to hurt. I began to gurgle and sweat before I realized I needed a bathroom. ASAP. Really? A stress & pregnancy induced IBS attack HERE?! In this gross, crowded, people-lying-on-stretchers in the hallway emergency room? I stood up to find a bathroom quick when my little sick monkey screamed in protest. 

So, off I went to the bathroom down the hall, with the baby holding tight.

After I was done, baby still wrapped tightly around my neck, I apologized, deeply, to those lying outside the bathroom door. And again when I returned. And then again a third time. 

At this point, after I refused the spinal tap and blood work and the steroid shot and fever meds had begun their miraculous work, I informed the nurses that we needed to leave. NOW. It had been 5 hours. Baby was better. But to be honest. I didn't care. I was done. I was ready to go home. 

It took a few days for the cranky, sick baby to return to just the cranky baby and hubby surprised us by coming home a couple days early. Father in law is leaving rehab and returning home tomorrow and things are slowly returning to normal. 

Or course they are. Daddy is home now. 

My nightmare is over. For now. He leaves again in a week. lol

But, guess what, moms??!  We ALL go through these nightmares! We ALL have circumstances that we go through and our friends shake their heads and say - man, I don't know how you do it. But, guess what? We do it. We do it because its just what we have to do. 

Its not like I woke and up thought, hm - feeling pretty super human this week, so, life - bring it on. 

Ha.

Nope. 

But, life brought it anyway. And, I dealt with it. Not because I'm awesome. Because I'm mom. 

Because my littles needed me to. Because my father in law needed me to. Because it was what I had to do. 

This week is bringing its own challenges - and I will face those head on too. 

With faith - I couldn't do this alone. With stubborn pride. And, with GRACE. 

Because God DOES give us more than we can handle, the difference is - He doesn't expect us to do it alone. 

He is right there by our side, and gives us angels to help us along the way. 

I am grateful for my angels these past few weeks, and for the Grace that enveloped me when I thought I had reached the end of my ability to deal. 

And, of course, for the lesson in humility as I sat with sick baby on my lap, letting go, in that emergency room bathroom. 

Hang in there moms. You absolutely can handle this, you can get through it, and you will come out the other side stronger and far more confident. Just remember, Grace and Angels. Grace and Angels.